life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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