I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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