Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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