My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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