Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
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I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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