i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize