You made me cry and you don't even care
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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