i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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