I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I deserve this hangover.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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