I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
