A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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