I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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