i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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