I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize