Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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