She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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