he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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