someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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