So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize