I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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