Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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