Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize