so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My pussy is not your playground.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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