I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize