I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no, he came in my armpit
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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