So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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