how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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