Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize