so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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