I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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