bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize