and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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