ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize