i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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