i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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