I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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