i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
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Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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