Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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