my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize