my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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