Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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