I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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