I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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