i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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