How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize