I cannot find my penis.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize