if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize