He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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