i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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