Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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