My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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