I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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