I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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